Thursday, March 30, 2006

...And A Little Round Belly, That Shook When She Laughed Like A Bowl Full Of Jelly...

I made it three whole songs on the ellipitical this morning, which amounted to about 12 1/2 minutes. Go, me! So I decided to reward myself. To celebrate, I just had chocolate pudding, a berry smoothie, some cinnamon toast, a little lemon meringue pie, strawberry cheescake, and cotton candy. Oh, and a carmel apple. I'm contemplating following that up with either a pina colada, or a strawberry daiquiri. Or maybe a margarita; those are always good too. Now, before you chastise me for ruining all my good work on the torture machine (oops, I mean eliptical machine), you should know the whole shebang is only 140 calories, and no fat. Impossible, you say? Not if you're talking about Jelly Belly beans.

Unlike cheap jellybeans, where all the colors taste the same, Jelly Bellies come in all kinds of neat flavors. Just make sure you get the right beans; Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans are also made by Jelly Belly, and they come in taste sensations like "booger" and "ear wax." Jelly Bellies come in fun flavors like buttered popcorn and orange sherbert. They even have recipes! For example, 2 chocolate puddings + 1 cappuccino + 1 peanut butter = mud pie. Just don't accidentally mix up the flavors; I can attest to the fact that mud pie just doesn't taste the same if you mistake pink grapefruit for the peanut butter.

And did you know that Jelly Belly features a "Wedding Center" on their website? This makes it easier to "match the wedding colors with complimentary colors of Jelly Belly beans!" Who knew? You can learn all kinds of interesting stuff there, like the fact that Jelly Bellies were the first jelly beans in outer space!

You'll have to excuse me now. I have to dig through my big bucket of beans for a crushed pineapple, because there's a banana split calling my name!

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 1:04 PM :: 8 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I'm Back, Take 2

I wrote a pretty long post yesterday, titled "I'm Back", which started off with the sentence "Oh Blogger, I've missed you." Blogger promptly retaliated by eating the post, and I didn't have time to write another. So, we'll try this again, but I'm changing the opening sentence, since I realized it wasn't really Blogger I missed. Take two:

Oh Internet Friends, I've missed you.

The last two weeks have been a little nuts. First there was the siding work. Remember that guy I'm married to, the one who, when he does any kind of project around the house, has to remove/replace everything, down to the wall studs? Well, apparently hiring an outside contractor to do the job doesn't really change that.

See, the front porch posts weren't in perfect condition, so they had to be replaced before the contractors could cover them with aluminum. And you can't put a beat-up old screen door back up on a beautifully sided house. Ditto the mailbox, and the exterior lights. And that cracked electrical outlet plate, that really needed to be changed. And was all this decided at once? Oh no, of course not. And since The Decider doesn't drive, guess who got to make 37 trips to Home Depot?

So now the siding is complete, the exterior lights are replaced, and the screen door, mailbox, and electrical plate cover have all been purchased. I'm sure they'll be installed sometime this century. The house looks great, although the combination of the barn red color and lack of a screen door, storm windows, or shutters makes me feel a little like I'm walking up to a one-room schoolhouse whenever I come home. The contractors will be back Saturday to replace the windows and gutters, and install shutters on the front of the house. Then I just hand them a check, and it's all over.

Well, sort of. See, the windows get replaced from the inside of the house, which means the contractors will be pulling off the existing (Hubby's translation: old) window trim to install them. Normally they put the window trim back up when they're done, and that's what I'll be pushing for, but you remember what Hubby does with anything old, right? He replaces it. So, this may not actually be over for awhile yet.

In addition to the siding work, we've been dealing with one relative in the hospital with heart trouble, and the wakes/funeral for the fathers of two friends. All of which has prompted me to get my own heart in shape. I'm only 35; there's still time to turn this body around. So, in a rare fit of enthusiasm, yesterday I popped Heart into my CD player and hopped onto the elliptical machine (yeah, yeah, I know I'm living in a time warp, but you just can't beat Heart or Pat Benetar for a good workout. And there are a few of us left without MP3 players). Let me just say it's been a really long time since I've been on an elliptical machine. I made it through Crazy On You and most of Magic Man before collapsing in a heap on the floor. But I'm determined; after I finish this cup of coffee I'll be back at it, and hopefully by the end of the week I'll get all the way through Barracuda (or to the first few opening bars, anyway).

The events of the past few weeks sparked a couple of observations. For one, I forgot how comfortable sweat pants are. Hey, there's got to be some positive tradeoff for spending six minutes on the elliptical, and another forty-five with jelly-legs. Also, two days in a row of dressing up reminded me how much better I look with makeup, which I wear about as frequently as I exercise (although not at the same time). I won't comment on the funeral, because that would most definately be classified as tacky, but I just want to say that if you own property that backs up to a cemetary, and you have a small dog, it would be kinder to the mourners not to leave your dog outside to yap all through the service. Just something to keep in mind.

Ok, now I'm crossing my fingers in the hopes that Blogger isn't hungry this morning, because if this post gets eaten I'm not sure I'll have the energy to type it all again. I should be catching up on everybody's blogs in the next few days, though, so don't be surprised if you get comments on your old posts!

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 6:49 AM :: 12 Comments:

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Friday, March 24, 2006

The Complaint Department

Okay, I know there have been a few negative posts in this spot lately, and I realize I should break up all the negativity by posting something happy and cheerful before I lose all my readers, but I have to add just one more item to The Complaint Department.

Remember how we decided to have the house sided, and I was all excited because we hired a real company to do the job? And because we hired a real company, the job would actually get finished, unlike every other project that's been started around here? And how it was especially nice that this particular project get finished, because it's an exterior project, and while I can put up with the inside of the house looking half-finished, exterior projects that are left undone generally scream out "LAZY" to everyone living in the area or driving/walking by?

Right.

According to the contract, this project will be completed between March 20 and April 10. The owner of the siding company told me the actual job would take 4-5 days, but there could be delays due to the weather or if the materials didn't come in right away, especially since red is a "special order" color. All of which is fine. Even if they didn't get started until the second week of April, I figured the house has been covered with faded aluminum siding for the 10 1/2 years we've lived here, so what's another three weeks?

Mistake #1 : Assuming once they started the project, they'd continue working on it until it was finished.

Here's what's happened so far:

Monday: This was the first day, according to the contract, that they could start working on the house. I didn't expect anyone to show, since they hadn't called to say they were coming, but mid-morning two guys arrived and dropped off a bunch of ladders and scaffolding. They asked a couple of questions about the railing on the porch, and said they'd be back tomorrow (Tuesday) to start work. About a half hour later the owner called to confirm they'd be there Tuesday morning between 7:30-8:00am.

Tuesday: 8am passes with no sign of any workers. Nobody comes by or calls, but in the afternoon a delivery truck brings the siding.

Wednesday: Two guys show up around 7:45am. They pull off all the aluminum, and start nailing up foam insulation and siding. They leave for a good hour and a half at lunchtime, but return with a third worker, and work until dark. When they leave for the day, the back of the house is sided and trimmed, the left side is 90% finished, and the right side is about a quarter done. The front of the house looks pretty bad, with old shingles and torn foil insulation exposed on most of the front, except for a few spots that have foam baord already nailed up, but the workers say they'll be back tomorrow, and since they've pulled off all the exterior lights on the house, no one can see it anyway.

Thursday: Nobody comes or calls.

Friday: At 8:35am, when the workers haven't arrived yet, I call the office and get an answering machine stating their normal hours are 8:30am-5pm. Okay, fine, the receptionist is a little late. I hang up and call back at 8:45, and get the same message. Finally at 8:55 I leave a message. At 9:25 I call again and get the owner, who tells me he dosen't know where the guys are, and he tried to call them but they aren't picking up the phone. He'll call me back when he hears from them. Also, am I sure they didn't come yesterday? Yes, I'm sure, since Hubby was home all day. He calls me back a half hour later, says the guys will definately be here tomorrow, and mumbles something about about how it was "hot and sunny" when they were here last and how they had to work in their T-shirts (I guess they needed two days off to recover?). At least that's the best I could deciper what he said; the owner has a heavy Russian accent. He definately said "warm, sunny day" and "T-shirts". Wednesday it was pretty darn cold here and I remember feeling bad for the workers, who I seem to remember being pretty bundled up. Maybe what he meant was they were waiting for a warm, sunny day so they could wear just T-shirts? If so, I think it's going to be awhile.

If they had to leave it half-done, couldn't they have started on the front of the house, instead of the back? *Sigh* Looks like I'm destined to always have the "ghetto house."

Okay, enough complaining. Next post will be about bunnies and baby chicks, or something equally cheerful. Promise.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 9:27 AM :: 14 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

A Letter To My Nose

Dear Nose,

I want you to know that I really appreciate all the wonderful smells you bring me. There's nothing like the scent of fresh-baked bread wafting throughout the house, and I certainly couldn't do without the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee in the morning. But we need to get this flower-thing straight. See, there are none. I know that Monday was the first day of spring, and I realize that spring is your time to run like you're in a marathon, but it's 32 degrees out (23 degrees with the wind chill). Look around outside (or ask the eyes to do it for you), do you see tulips, daffodils, or hyacinths? No, you don't. It's gray, and overcast, and even the few crocuses that bloomed last week are huddled up and shivering.

See, I thought we had an agreement. The flowers bloom, and you get all stuffy, but I put up with it, because at least I have pretty flowers to look at. It's completely unfair of you to stuff yourself up, making my voice sound like I'm underwater and forcing me to breathe through my mouth, which of course causes my throat to get get all red and irritated, if the daffodils are still just little green shoots barely poking through the earth. So, kindly clear yourself immediately, and refrain from any more attempts to cry "pollen" when I know there isn't any.

Sincerely,
The Gradual Gardener

P.S. While I do appreciate the good smells you bring me, if you could block out the unique odor the bathroom gives off after Hubby has been holed up in there for twenty minutes, I'd be much obliged.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:56 AM :: 12 Comments:

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Friday, March 17, 2006

Aw, Teebs, I Couldn't Let You Go It Alone

Since apparently there's an epidemic lately in the blogosphere of really bad school photos, I thought I'd join in the fray. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I only have three of my old school photos. We'll start with the best of the bunch ("best" being a relative term).

May I present second grade:



I remember HATING that picture. That, of course, was before taking THIS one, which I fully expect to be in the top ten when VH1 does their 100 Most Awesomely Bad School Photos Ever show:


And it didn't get much better when the hair got longer:


So there you have it: School photos at their worst. See, Teebs, you're not alone.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 9:00 AM :: 11 Comments:

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Things That Bug Me

1. Stores that always try to push their credit cards on you when you checkout. Sears is notorious for this. It seems like I get the same clerk every time I go, and every time she asks, "Will you be paying for this with your Sears card?" A "No" answer always leads to, "Do you have a Sears card?" If you say "No" again, she'll ask if you'd like to apply for one, and if you answer that with a "No" she'll try to change your mind by telling you you'll get a discount off your purchase if you apply. Depending on my mood, sometimes I go the all "No" route, and sometimes I say "Yes, but I'm not using it today." That, of course, leads to "Is it the blue card or the gold card?", and if you make the mistake of saying, "Blue card", she'll try to talk you into applying for gold. I'm thinking of having a T-shirt made up, in the trademark Sears colors of white letters on a blue background, that reads "No, I don't want a Sears card", and wearing it next time I'm in the store.

2. Remakes of movies that shouldn't be remade. One my birthday gifts yesterday (along with Jon Stewart's America book-hooray!) was the Pink Panther movie collection. Now, I have nothing against Steve Martin, and it's probably not fair of me to judge his remake since I haven't seen it, but Peter Sellers IS Inspector Clousseau. You know how in baseball they retire the numbers of the really great athletes? They should do the same thing with really great actors/roles. Some things just shouldn't be messed with; Peter Sellers as Inspector Clousseau is one of them.

3. Religions that break their own rules. This one I need to word delicately, since I don't want to offend any Catholic readers I have. The local Diocese here has exempted Catholics from the no-meat-on-Friday-during-lent rule for St. Patrick's Day, so they don't have to give up their corned beef and cabbage. Now, I agree that God is (hopefully) much more interested in how we treat other people than what days of the week we eat meat, but it's supposed to be symbolic. The whole idea is to give up something, to suffer an inconvenience. Either it's a rule or it isn't; breaking the rule because it's inconvenient to follow defeats the purpose, don't you think? For the record, I'm NOT Catholic, and when I worked in an office would thoroughly enjoy ordering meatball subs on Fridays when my coworkers were all having tunafish.

4. Appliance refinishing. Okay, this doesn't really bug me, but I just don't get it. I was following a truck on the highway yesterday bearing a sign that read, "A Better Way-Appliance Refinishing." Under that it listed, "Appliances, Tubs, Tile, Cabinets." I get the tubs and cabinets, and I kind of understand the tile, if they're talking about putting one of those fiberglass shower units over the top of tiled walls. But appliances? By the time they look bad, aren't they usually not working properly anyway? Is it really worth it to refinish them?

Side note: Spell checker wanted to replace "meatball" with "mothball." Now THAT would be an interesting sub...

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:30 AM :: 13 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Beware The Ides Of March

And those who have their birthday today.

This year, I'm getting the most expensive birthday gift I've ever been given. Like, four-digits expensive. No, it's not a cruise, or a romantic weekend away. It's not a new wardrobe. What I'm getting is (drumroll, please)...Vinyl Siding.

See, my husband is afflicted by NeverFinishWhatYouStartitis. This can be a minor annoyance inside the house, resulting in small inconveniences like, say, going eight years without bathroom walls. EIGHT YEARS. And six years after starting the project, instead of, I don't know, PUTTING UP WALLS, he jammed small sections of 2x4's between the studs to make shelves. Annoying, yes, but at least in was inside the house. I'm not a terribly social creature, and since everyone on the planet has a bigger house than mine, when I do socialize it's not usually here. The few people I do invite in know Hubby, so they get what I'm up against and ignore the little things like the total lack of trim throughout the house, and the two types of walls in the living room, or the tuffs of insulation peeking out between where the walls end and the front door begins.

Now, outside the house? That's a bigger deal. Let me describe the exterior of my home for you. The front, back and left sides have faded marigold-yellow aluminum siding, and the right side has 1/3 aluminum siding and 2/3 red-brick colored shiplac paneling. In between the shiplac and the siding is a red board, hastily nailed up before the last home inspection, which is supposed to resemble trim (it fails miserably at its task). On the left side, Hubby replaced the old drafty picture window with three double hung windows a year and a half ago. The trim around the new windows? Tyvek paper, which continually flaps in the breeze. For a year and a half. The two attic windows have jagged aluminum siding around them, a testament to how difficult it is to neatly cut aluminum and jam it under window trim while hanging out a second-story window. The house sits above the road, and there is a paved driveway out front, barely visible underneath the accumulated dirt from the unpaved driveway we had cut into the hillside, which creates a mudslide every time we get more than 1/2 inch of rain.

Why my house looks like this is a long, long story, or more accurately, a collection of short stories strung together to spell out UGLIEST HOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. Seriously, this is a pretty nice neighborhood, not McMansion nice, but solid middle-class nice, and my house is a blight. Big-time.

So, is it any wonder I'm excited about the new siding? Seriously, I'm thrilled...I couldn't ask for a better birthday gift. The only thing with vinyl is that the majority of the color choices are light, neutral shades of beige or gray, with a grayish-green and a grayish-blue thrown in for variety. Every other house on my street is beige or light yellow, with the exception of my next-door neighbor, who has an olive-green house. My roof is brown, so I can't go with the grays, so we settled on the only vibrant color the siding company offers, which is Barn Red (actually they call it Lighthouse Red, but it looks like Barn Red to me), with black shutters. And since I'm afflicted with InstantGratificationitis, now that we've decided to have the house re-sided I want it done two weeks ago. Really, I want to head out to buy groceries, and come home to my nice neat red house. *Sigh* Unfortunately, the siding company doesn't work quite that fast.

Yes, you read that right, I said "siding company." See, my husband does wonderful work...He really does. If you look up "perfectionist" in the dictionary, you'll probably see his picture. But, I'm afraid if he starts this project he'll get 3/4 of the aluminum siding ripped off, and the NeverFinshWhatYouStartitis will flare up again, and the neighbors will start picketing, and things will get ugly. Okay, okay, uglier. Anyway, we've decided to use a real, legit, Siding Company.

Incidentally, we're also going to have the driveway paved and a rock retaining wall built along alongside it where bare jagged earth sticks out now. Hubby will be doing that project with a friend of his, who does masonry work. *Sigh* Hopefully, if his friend is afflicted with any illnesses, it'll be InstantGratificationitis instead of NeverFinishWhatYouStartitis. At any rate, at least I'll have my nice neat red house to gaze at as I tromp through the ankle deep mud in the driveway to get to the front porch. Who could ask for any more that that?

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 1:34 PM :: 10 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A Day In The City

Saturday we took the train into New York City to see Phantom of the Opera. We had a great time! Before the play, we had time to walk around the city. We did the usual attractions: a trip to FAO Schwartz, where Daughter-Of-Many-Talents treated us to of a few of the songs from Phantom performed on the giant piano floor mat, a carriage ride through Central Park, a visit to Rockefellar Center to watch the skaters...Yes, they were skating, even in 60 degree weather (there are cooling devices under the ice). After visiting the MTV Store, where Little Sis and her husband were introduced to the video, "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp", we were walking through Times Square when a small bus pulled up and around thirty very attractive young men filed out and started undressing. Turns out it was a publicity stunt for the Tyra Banks modeling show. Fortunately, Never-Without-Her-Cellphone-Daughter was able to snatch a few pictures, so I'm able to bring you a (somewhat fuzzy) glimpse of Male Models in Their Underwear:


Braver-Than-Me Little Sis tapped one of them on the shoulder, and asked if he'd pose for a picture. So, here's Growing-Up-Too-Fast Daughter, next to a particularly (*ahem*) well-endowed model (although you can't see that from the photo; we were standing too close for anything other than a head shot):

After the excitement of mingling with Nearly Naked Guys, we headed off to the play itself, which was fabulous! We had great seats; sixth row, in the center. The chandelier that comes crashing to the stage was right above our heads. They did a charity fundraiser after the play, where Absolutely Thrilled Daughter was able to purchase a Phantom of the Opera poster autographed by all the cast-members. The poster fortunately survived the walk back to Grand Central, mostly held above my head as we manuvered through the crowds, and kept us occupied on the train ride home as we attempted to match names with signatures (some of the actors would have also made good doctors, judging by their writing).

All in all, it was a great day. Thanks for the adventure, Little Sis!

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:46 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

The Three R's

Revenge, Retaliation and Retribution.

Not too long ago, KTP posted a picture of me dressed as a milk carton (for Halloween, if you're wondering...I was a weird kid, but not so weird that I walked around dressed like a milk carton everyday). Now, it just so happens that I recently aquired both a scanner AND all of our old childhood photos. So it's fitting, don't you think, that my first scanned photo be of KTP?

May I present...

A class trip to the beach, somewhere around third or fourth grade. I'm the one on the left with the red face and wrinkled shirt (see, I had the rumpled look going even back then). KTP's on the right, looking like a child model in her stylish striped tank-top. Another shot of the same trip:

I know who we were burying (she did eventually get out), but I have no idea who the girl in the yellow shirt is. Maybe KTP remembers?

And, for one last parting shot:

This was a third grade class play. KTP is the Judge, and I'm the kid in the middle, wearing the only Christmas tree with real popcorn as garland. She makes a good Judge, doesn't she? I'm not really sure why she was judging us, though...the details of the play have slipped my mind.

What's that you say? Of course it was a play! Just because half the pictures you've seen of me have me dressing as inanimate objects doesn't mean I did that all the time! Yes, I know I wasn't one of the "Cool Kids", but I wasn't that uncool.

Really.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 11:17 AM :: 19 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Perfecting The Rumpled Look

Guess where I'm going this weekend? No, really...Guess. Nope, you're wrong, guess again. Give up? Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

I'm going to New York City to see Phantom of the Opera! Cool, huh? It's an early birthday gift from Little Sis and her husband. Doing-The-Happy-Dance-Daughter will also be going, although it was a Christmas gift for her. Do I have a great Little Sis or what?

On the phone a few days ago, Little Sis told me they plan on wearing jeans and sneakers, since we're heading in early to walk around the city. Which is great, since I live in jeans. Only thing is, my sneakers? They've just a little, how shall I phrase this? Ratty. And probably smelly, since they've likely been worn at least once or twice while wading through manure spread on my flower beds. So I'm thinking I should probably replace them.

And my jeans? They're okay, but they are a little worn. Maybe I should get a new pair. I'm not sure what top I'll wear...I'm a little tired of the blue sweater. There's always the red or purple button-down, but that would require ironing, like real ironing, the kind that involves dragging the ironing board out of the basement and plugging in the iron and everything. As opposed to my usual method of throwing the shirt in the dryer with a wet towel, which removes exactly 2 of the 345 wrinkles in it, and wearing it anyway. So let's see, I can either iron, or buy a new shirt...Iron, or buy a new shirt...Decisions, decisions... Ah, what the hell, I'll buy the new shirt!

So look out, New Yorkers...This redneck will be parading around your streets this weekend in new sneakers, new jeans, and (gasp) a new shirt! I'll be Stylin'!

I just hope the GoFugYourself girls aren't there, taking pictures of passer-bys. Even with new duds, I'd probably end up in the Random Fug category.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 8:01 AM :: 9 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

A Good Thing

A good thing happened to me Friday, but I really had no intention of blogging about it. In the past few days I haven't been blogging much. In fact, I've only posted once since it happened, and after writing that post I felt like a fraud. It's not that I feel I have to share all my secrets with the Internet (believe me, there are some things that will never make print, here or anywhere else), but what happened is huge, HUGE, life-altering for me, and it seems I can't write about anything else until I've written about IT. So, here it is:

My husband was granted Social Security Disability.

To know what a big deal this is, you need a little background. All of my adult life, I have struggled financially. I moved out on my own much too soon, and have always "just scraped by." Even at the time we bought our house, we really should have waited. Every penny we had went into the downpayment (including some pennies from my wonderful family), and we moved in with absolutely nothing in our savings account. A few months later Hubby was laid off from the job he'd held for fourteen years. Then there was unemployment, and other jobs that didn't pay as well, and we managed, but started getting behind on bills. Then came the accident, which put him out of work for a year. Seven months after the accident he was granted Social Security Disability, but by then we were behind on so much that we just couldn't catch up. He went back to work, but after the head injury he had a lot of trouble keeping a job. And then, four years later, the seizures started.

Since then, we've been getting by on my income and money pulled out of the equity in our house. Fortunately, we live in an area where the housing values have more than doubled in the past ten years, so the equity was there, but it's really not a good way to live. With the last equity loan, we finally managed to pay off the last of the medical bills (which were substantial), with enough left over to get us through this winter, at least until our tax returns came in, which would hopefully be enough to get us through until my work started up again in the spring, which if we're really careful would get us through summer and maybe fall, and next winter? No idea. Believe me, it's not a fun way to live. And, except for a few brief, temporary respites (usually after receiving a tax return), I've been living this way for 17 years.

We applied for Disability, but I didn't really expect to get it. I mean, financial stuff just doesn't seem to go my way, you know? I've been blessed in other ways...I have a wonderful daughter, a very supportive family, and although the accident has brought it's share of difficulties between Hubby & I, it also in many ways brought us closer (despite my whining about the closet). And it could have been much, much worse. The fact that he recovered as well as he did is nothing short of amazing, given the extent of his injuries. I'm not complaining; I have a good life. But money has never really been a part of it, except as something to worry about.

When we were granted Disability the first time, Hubby was still confined to a rehab facility, and was in the process of relearning things like how to brush his teeth. When the agent called me, her exact words (which I'll never forget), were, "We've reviewed your application (long, hesitant pause), and we've decided to allow it." Sounds like just barely, doesn't it? Of course, she went on to say there was a one in ten chance the application would be selected for a review, which might overturn the decision, and would also delay the first check by another six weeks or so. And guess what? We were the one in ten. They didn't overturn the decision, but it meant another six weeks of waiting and wondering. I wasn't kidding when I said this financial stuff doesn't go my way.

So now, even though technically Hubby more than meets Social Security's definition of "disabled" (his seizures are more frequent than their minimum requirement), I didn't have high hopes. The last time he was still hospitalized after breaking nearly every bone in his head, and it seemed we just barely got it. This time, I expected a long, drawn-out battle involving lawyers and appeals. And that's not what happened.

I've been in shock since Friday.

This isn't the windfall Powerball would have been. What it means, though, is that for the next three years (until his case comes up for a medical review) we will be able to cover our expenses, with a little left over. Enough to put in a savings account. Which is a very good thing, since college looms on the horizon. For the first time in my adult life, I will not have to worry about how we're going to "get by." And that's huge. HUGE. And I just couldn't write about anything else until I wrote about IT.

If you've actually read this far, thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I promise, I'll be back to writing amusing things tomorrow.

Because tomorrow looks good.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:30 AM :: 13 Comments:

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Food, Glorious Food

Ok, I'm being lazy this morning, since I stayed up well past my bedtime to watch the Oscars last night. You people on the West coast have it easy; I don't think I've ever stayed up for the whole thing before. I'm not sure I ever will again, either. Jon Stewart didn't get anywhere near as much airtime as I would have liked, and the Best Picture finale just isn't as exciting when you haven't seen the movies that were nominated.

Since I'm usually a couple of years behind when it comes to movie-viewing, I'm thinking it would be better to just tape the Oscars, and watch them later. Like, three years later. But, that would require either figuring out how to use the VCR, or breaking down and buying a TiVo, neither of which is likely to happen anytime soon. Oh well, I guess it's back to my usual routine of watching just long enough to make fun of all the outfits, then going to bed.

Anyway, to bask in this morning's laziness, I'm taking the easy way out and doing Mignon's food me-me. Here goes:

Three Foods I Hated As A Kid But Love Now:
1. Spinach.
2. My mother's homemade Macaroni & Cheese. As a kid I would only eat Kraft's boxed version, with the bright orange powdered cheese. My mom uses sticks of Cracker Barrel Cheddar. Boy, I sure didn't know what I was missing!
3. Strawberry shortcake. I think this was part of that my-food-can't-be-touching thing that kids do. Big Sis would eat the whole thing, strawberries, shortcake & whipped cream. I would only have the strawberries & whipped cream, and Little Sis? She had a bowl of whipped cream.
Three Foods I Loved As A Kid But Hate Now:
1. Spagettio's.
2. Hostess Cupcakes. The filling is just gross...It's like pure fat mixed with sugar.
3. Butter sandwiches. Not kidding; I really used to eat these. I'd spread the butter as thick as most people spread peanut butter on slices of Wonder Bread. Gross.
Three Foods I Loved As A Kid And Still Love Now:
1. Pepperoni. My mom used to make homemade pizza, and whoever walked to the corner store to buy the pepperoni would get an end piece (my dad would get the other). Little Sis and I still save the end pieces for each other when we have get-togethers involving pepperoni, cheese & crackers.
2. Friendly's Butter Crunch Ice Cream. Some brands would just have cookie crumbs for the "crunch" part, but Friendly's had little pieces of candy. Still one of my favorites.
3. Fried ice Cream. We actually used to make our own, with Wheatie's flakes. You have to scoop the ice cream ahead of time, roll the scoops in the coating, and let them get really hard in the back of the freezer. Then you fry them for just a few seconds, before the ice cream melts.
Three Of The Worst Things I Ever Had To Eat:
1. Lima Beans. They're ok in vegetable soup, because you can swallow them whole without having to taste them, but if you bite into one by accident? Yuck.
2. Sour orange juice. Gross.
3. Sour milk. Always check the date!
Three Of The Best Things I Ever Ate:
1. My mom's homemade macaroni & cheese. I'm not kidding; I really didn't know what I was missing.
2. My dad's baked brie. He makes the pastry himself, and it disappears pretty darn quick whenever he puts it out at family gatherings.
3. Bennigan's "Death By Chocolate" dessert. Heavenly.

Ok, off to make breakfast. I probably shouldn't have ended with chocolate. Let's see, oatmeal or chocolate frosted donut? Decisions, decisions...

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:40 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Why You Should Never Conceal Your Bean Snapper

Earlier this week, Tink mentioned that it's illegal to throw bags of flour at a parade float. This got me looking up other weird laws, and let me tell you, there are some doosys out there. Some of my favorites:

In Alabama, it's illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in a church.
I'm having a good time picturing the irate churchgoer who penned this one.

In San Francisco, California, it's illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

In Colorado, it's illegal to go out in public in clothes unbecoming to one's gender.
OK, this one I could support. In fact in needs to be made countrywide, with strict enforcement.

In Hartford, Connecticut it's illegal to educate a dog.
Not Guilty! My dog is thoroughly uneducated! Just try getting her to stay!

In Georgia, it's illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.

In Gary, Indiana, it's illegal to attend the theater within four hours of eating garlic.
Another one I could get behind.

In Wichita, Kansas, it's illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper.

In Massachusetts, dueling with water pistols is illegal.

In Saco, Missouri, women are forbidden from wearing hats that might frighten timid persons, children, or animals.

In Oklahoma, people who make ugly faces at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.

In Pennsylvania, any motorist who sights a team of horses coming at him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends in with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear to be skittish, the motorist must take his car apart piece by piece and hide it under the nearest bush.
Must be hell in Amish Country.

In Memphis, Tennessee, it's illegal for a woman to drive by herself, unless a man is walking or running in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists.

In Virginia, there is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates."
Must be an awful lot of candidates hailing from Virginia...

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 8:07 AM :: 13 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

What Not To Wear

Quote from the National Young Leaders Conference pamphlet:

Dress:
Dress standards are professional throughout the day. Women must wear dresses, blouses with skirts (no mini skirts) or dress pants (no denim or capri pants).

Now, National Young Leaders Conference Nominee Daughter (sorry, I just love saying that) currently has a wardrobe that consists of:

5 pairs of jeans, frayed at the bottom (only three of which she'll actually wear),
16 band tee-shirts, mostly black,
3 zip-up hoodies, including one with the word "REVENGE" in big red letters across the chest,
2 pull-over hoodies,
1 pair black skater-shoes

Something tells me we should probably think about some new clothes. The big problem with buying fancy duds for a teenager is that they tend to like stylish clothes, which inevitably go out of style before the next formal event. This means each outfit gets worn exactly once before ending up in the Goodwill pile. Now, I have nothing against Goodwill, but I'd prefer in the future they get their supply of nearly-new clothing from someone else, especially since Dress-Clothes-Challenged Daughter will be in D.C. for ten days. I have no intention of buying her ten outfits; most hotels offer laundry services, and we will be using them. But, I should probably buy her more than one.

Since my own wardrobe for the past six years has consisted of jeans, tee-shirts and workboots, my where-to-shop-knowledge is a little rusty. So, Internet Friends, anyone have any advice on places to get reasonably priced, stylish dress-clothes that my fourteen-year-old will still be willing to be seen in a few years from now? Preferably catalogs, or stores that have branches in New England? I was thinking maybe Chadwicks. I used to buy from them when I worked in an office, and if I'm remembering correctly the quality was so-so but the prices were pretty good. Whatever we buy will likely be worn only a few times this summer, then hung in the closet to collect dust until college-admissions interviews two years from now. Aack! Only two years...Now that's scary!

Suggestions, anyone?

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 7:25 AM :: 13 Comments:

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