Sunday, April 02, 2006

It's About Trust

Last night, for the second Saturday night in a row, Social Butterfly Daughter has gone out on a date. With her boyfriend.

This dating thing is new to us, but I guess we're going to have to get used to it. The boyfriend is only a year older than her, which is good. Given my own dating history (Hubby's 15 years older than me, and we started dating when I was 16), I guess I should just be happy he's still in high school.

These were real dates, too...not like middle school, where you said you were "going out" with someone, but you never really went anywhere. Last week they went out to dinner, and this week it was bowling. The boyfriend's sister is older, and drives, so they double-date with her and her boyfriend (who also drives). Which is ok, I guess...Except that I don't know the sister or the sister's boyfriend, or how well they drive. But what do I do, tell her she can't go unless the drivers take me for a spin around the block first, so I can assess their driving abilities? Follow behind them in my own car, prepared to pull up beside them and order her out of the car if they go more than 5 miles over the speed limit?

See what all you parents of toddlers have to look forward to?

I got my license three months after I turned sixteen, because my parents said they'd rather have me driving myself than riding with one of my friends. I was one of those responsible kids. So far, my daughter's been equally responsible. But we still have over a year before she'll be driving anywhere. Her friends are all her own age, with the exception of one, so this is a new issue for us. The one older friend is nineteen, and my daughter assures me he's a very cautious driver. And I believe her. I guess this is where all those trust issues come in, huh? At any rate, we know the nineteen-year-old pretty well; he's been something of a "big brother" to her through the years, and I really do think he's a good driver. But the boyfriend's sister's boyfriend? No idea.

So last night, Social Butterfly Daughter had a couple of friends over, including the nineteen-year-old, and the plan was that he would drop her off at her boyfriend's house, and from there they would ride with the sister's boyfriend to the bowling alley. Hubby and I were outside when Suddenly Too Old For Us Daughter stuck her head out the door and said, "I'm leaving now...I guess I'll be back whenever." And she was gone. I looked at Hubby and blinked.

"Do you think we should maybe start thinking about curfews?" I asked.

Two minutes later I called her on the phone, and told her if she wasn't home by ten she needed to call and tell me what was going on. And if the boyfriend's sister's boyfriend had anything at all alcoholic to drink at the bowling alley, she needed to call me so I could pick her up. We've discussed that one before, and she knows that she can call me from the restroom, and then I'll call back when she's with her friends again to say I'm coming to get her so it looks like I instigated the pick-up. Thank God for cell-phones, the only saving grace for the parent of a teenager.

But back to last night...she'd been gone about twenty minutes when the phone rang. She was at the boyfriend's house, his parents weren't there, and his sister was going to be about fifteen minutes late, so she was alone with boyfriend and one of his friends (also male), and she just wanted to make sure I was okay with that. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and silently thanked God for the karate lessons. Then I told her it was okay, and thanked her for letting me know. And I trusted her.

Because that's really all I can do.

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 8:25 AM :: 11 Comments:

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