Friday, April 07, 2006

Enjoying The View

Awhile back, I took this picture:

Adorable, right? But I didn't post it to my blog. Any guesses why not? Go ahead, look again. Yep, you got it. It was because of that window.

See, the picture was taken in November, and it doesn't snow here in November. Which means instead of a cute kitten sitting in front of a window with a raging blizzard outside, we have a cute kitten sitting in front of a really dirty window. Now, in my defense, it's a real pain to clean old wooden windows that don't tilt in. For anyone who hasn't done it in awhile, here's a refresher course:

1. Start on the outside of the house. Wash the top storm window. You won't be able to wash the bottom because the screen will be in the way.

2. Go inside and wash the top and bottom of the wooden windows. Attempt to open the window. Get it open four inches before it refuses to budge any further. Mumble a few curses. Go down in the basement and rumage through the tools to find the WD-40. Come back upstairs and squirt both sides of the window frame. Using all of your strength, get the window up about halfway. Squirt it again, and gain another two inches. Give up and figure you'll make do without the window being completely open. Wash the inside of the bottom storm window (you'll need to kneel to do this, so you can reach up behind the partially opened wooden window). Push up the bottom storm window and pull down the screen.

3. Go outside and wash the bottom storm window, which is now on the top.

4. Go inside and push up the screen (kneeling again), then close the wooden window. You may need to push really hard to get it closed.

5. Go outside and wash the bottom of the wooden window.

6. Go inside and open the wooden window. This will require more WD-40. Push the screen and all the storm windows down.

7. Go outside and wash the top of the wooden window.

8. Go inside and put the window back the way it was when you started. Re-wash the insides of the wooden windows, which now have WD-40 on them. Stand back to admire your handiwork, and realize you forgot to wash the inside of the top storm window. Curse a little louder this time. Try to push down the top wooden window to get at it, figuring that will be quicker than opening the window from the bottom and pulling the top storm window down. Exhaust 1/2 can of WD-40 before giving up. Scream that the window is a f*%#ing @%$@#*% whose mother &%$@# &%#&. Open the wooden window from the bottom and pull the top storm window down. Wash it. Push the top storm window back up and re-wash the WD-40 off the wooden windows (again).

9. Repeat for the rest of the windows in the house.

Is it any wonder my windows were dirty? Oh, I wash the insides from time to time, particulary those behind the sofa, which is where the dog enages in most of her squirrel-watching (there tends to be a lot of noseprints there). But the whole involved process of cleaning them inside and out is a pretty rare event in this house. It's happened, say, twice in the ten years we've lived here. Which means they were due for their bi-decade cleaning. I came up with a better solution, though. Why clean them when you can hire someone to replace them?

Of course, you can probably hire someone to clean them, too, but that would be frivilous and wasteful. Besides, then someone who washes things for a living would see how rarely we wash things in this house, and it's not good to gross out a cleaning person. It's probably not a bad thing that our budget doesn't include funds for paying someone else to do things we can do ourselves, because I would definately be one of those people who cleans before the cleaning crew show up. Just so, you know, they don't think we're messy or anything. It's okay if the entire Internet knows it, just so long as the cleaning people don't.

Anyway, the windows have now been replaced, as part of the siding project. I'd show you a picture of the finished house, but the people at my DWA meetings (Dirty Windows Anonymous) have advised me that it's not a wise idea. You know, because a cleaning person might be reading this, and if they happen to live in the area and recognize the house, well, then they'd know that we don't clean much. And that's a secret. So don't tell, okay?

Instead of the finished house, I'll leave you with this photo:

Same window, same cat (a little bigger), and you can actually see the amazing, scenic view of the neighbor's stockade fence now. Who could ask for anymore than that?

Posted by The Gradual Gardener :: 9:09 AM :: 10 Comments:

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